KeepTheStormAtBay

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
derinthescarletpescatarian
shutup-rachel

Absolutely losing it at this Reddit post

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And the update

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She buttered Jorts

anoonzee

The outrage summed in a perfect Tweet:

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notemily

FINALLY

I’ve been collecting the best Jorts tweets and waiting until the moment he showed up on my dash to post them. So here you are, the curated best of the past, oh, day or so:

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rhipidurafan

Some additional quality memes from the past 24 hours:

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Meanwhile, OP has continued tracking trash can mishaps on twitter:

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And a quality photo of this sweet potato:

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rhipidurafan

An update for those not following Jorts’ twitter account, starting with a transcription of the Wellerman cover:

Link to the lovely video

There once was a ship that put to sea
The name of the ship was the Jorts and Jean
The ship she rolled and her closet doors closed
Oh no, where’s Jorts? Oh no!

Soon may the smarter cat come
To save poor Jorts so orange and dumb
One day when the butterin’s done
We’ll take our leave and go

When Pam came on, she had a plan
To teach our Jorts about garbage cans
Pam meant well but her plans fell flat
When HR said, “don’t butter the cat”

Soon may the smarter cat come
To save poor Jorts so orange and dumb
One day when the butterin’s done
We’ll take our leave and go

Now Jean the smart cat comes
She saves poor Jorts so orange and dumb
Now that the butterin’s done
We’ll take our leave and go

We’ll take our leave and go

We’ll take our leave and go

Additional quality memes:

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A recipe for Buttered Jorts:

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Recent Jorts activities:

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And some very wise words from the cat himself:

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petermorwood

This is the largest Jorts post I found before I decided to stop, and combines a lot of memes in one convenient package.

Along with cats, of course. Smartly done!

calligrafiti

The person running the Jorts Twitter is using it to promote unions, which is awesome.

breelandwalker

FNALLY! All the premium Jorts content in one place!

deathstalkerspride
cristalplanetheart

sneef-to-a-snorf-fight

This Just In: Giant Beast Gingerly Eats Dandelions. More at 11.

headspace-hotel

I know this beast could fuck my entire shit up and break all my bones, but i want to kiss its soft head so bad

why-animals-do-the-thing

One reason bison are so good at fucking people's shit up? That hump. It's not fat, like you might assume - it's pure damn muscle and bone.

Here's Ernie, the taxidermy bison mount at the Flint Hills Discovery Center in Kansas. Take a look at the inside of that hump!

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If you remember in the giraffe neck post, I talked about how the spikes of bone that come off the backs of vertebrae are called spinous processes, and they're muscle attachment spots. (All animals have them because it's where a lot of spine muscles attach - when you run your fingers down someone's spine and feel bumps, you're feeling the much smaller human versions). The rule for muscles attachment sites is: the bigger the piece of bone that anchors it, the bigger the muscle. So those huge spikes of bone inside a bison's hump are the anchor points for absolutely monstrously sized neck/shoulder muscles.

Bison need these huge-ass neck muscles because they search for grass in the winter by shoving snow out of the way with their very large, heavy heads. It's quite literally a built-in suspension system for a meat-based snowplow.

According to at least one reputable source I found, the muscles in the hump also help the bison hold their head up when they run. (This tracks with analogous anatomy on other mammals, but I can't find a diagram of exactly what muscles attach where for bison to confirm it.)

All of this means that they can swing their heads with an enormous amount of force. That's part of why people who make bad life choices about harassing bison in national parks often get so hurt - they're not just dealing with a very angry, very large animal with very sharp horns, but one whose offensive capacity is backed by a huge heavy head and propelled by a truly extraordinary mass of muscle.

When there is no conflict, thought, that massive neck just supports their head while they daintily eat dandelions.

deathstalkerspride

babooshka-yah-yah asked:

What's the most interesting thing you've learned recently?

earnedmagic answered:

in one of my art history classes i learned about this guy, percival lowell, who was a dude in the late 1800s with too much money and too much time on his hands. he built himself an observatory because that’s what rich dudes did for fun back then

he had a fairly popular theory about their being purposefully designed canals on mars- 1800s europe was all about industry and what mankind could build, so it made sense that humanity would see similar formations in space. and so lowell was on trend when he charted these canals on venus:

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except that no one else could reproduce his findings. most of his theories were discredited over time as we learned more about space, and it wasn’t until the early 2000s that someone posited a theory to what lowell had been seeing

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the specific adjustments of his telescope may have caused it to act as a gigantic ophthalmoscope- leading lowell to see the veins of his own retina.

i think there’s something very sweet about that whole story- mankind looking at space and seeing themselves